Goals

I am trying to think of my Goals for this coming year...
Some are the same as last year...

1. Pack my lunch
2. Go to the Gym more

I am trying to phrase the next two so that I can get a clearer picture of them.

The first is to be more social. I can be almost perfectly happy at home.. but we are not meant to be alone... so I need to work on that.

and the second is to deveolp professionally.. I think I will do this by exploring some opportunities in ToastMasters.

But here is to a good 2009.

weird.. but nice

This time of year for the past couple years.. i have had my thyroid testing stuff done.. but we are taking the year off.. it is nice but weird to not have to go through it. I still had the stupid anti bodies last year.. but they only went up a little bit.. and my TG (which is pointless to measure since I still have the stupid anti bodies) is still nil. All and all, going the whole cancer stuff really taught me how to let go, because I have no control over any thing.

And going through all the gall bladder (i hate the name 'gall bladder', it makes it sound gross to me), bile leaking, pancreaticis stuff really taught me to value health and wellness. When I see people complain about life and stuff it makes me want to shake them.. as they have no idea how precious life really is, and how close we are all to death. Sorry for the morbid thoughts.. but after you go through major illness so close together, you think about that stuff.

And being sick, turned me into a person that worries about being sick again... When my neck is stiff.. is the lymph node we are watching getting bigger? Or when side hurts, is my bile duct leaking, or is scar tissue growing? Sigh... I am usually really good about not thinking about it.. except for when the above mentioned spots still hurts.
I asked one doc why it still hurt.. he said that those areas were traumatized.. and just not quite the same.. so some pain is normal. Granted.. the pain level is a 1000 times better since they diagnosed the bile salt diarrhea... (gross, it truly grosses me out) but every once in a while, feels like some one is stabbing me. Granted, this is usually after I do some heavy lift or stretching.. so i try and limit those movements.

want to remember

Tonight.

It is halloween, and neighbors were out on the streets talking like friends and kids were running around getting candy. I could hear the Decatur High School football match going on up the street. And I saw people standing in line at 8 o clock at night waiting to vote. Really, waiting to see people wait one one hand is great. That people are so passionate about voting that they were standing in line at 8 pm on Halloween. and the people at the end have over an hour to go.

The 3 Day

I just finished my 2nd 3 Day as the Camp Logistics Crew Captain.. and let me say. It was the hardest 4 Days of work. Between the rain,the wind and the relo and having less people... it was difficult. I could see it in my peoples eyes that they were frustrated by the lack of information that I had to give them. Which trust me, was frustating to me too.
I was as postive as I could be, and I am proud to say, I got a couple emails from my members that they would crew again.. maby not camp logistics but still crew. And if people are willing to come back and crew again, I say I did my job. as I am not joking when I say it is the most difficult crew to be on. It is so difficult because our job involves so many differnent tasks.. and well, the Komen tells me very little. I think I almost pass out on Saturday due to lack of sleep, no down time, and really bad food. We brought pizza in to camp for Dinner, and I swear, that pizza saved my life.
What I did to keep up my spirits on such a hard event was that I would cheer up walkers by walking up and down the line there were waiting in for hours and made people laugh by having smiling contest or telling them I would hug them and that I had not showered in a couple days. On Saturday at my lowest point, due to lack of sleep and food and just so exhausted I was in tears, a couple walkers stopped me and thanked me for for cheering them up on Friday, and gave me hugs just when I needed it.

All and all, it was a fun time, if you rethink your idea of fun. :) Cannot wait for next year, but I might try and do a different crew. Camp Logistics is truly very very difficult.

Now accepting hugs

I have turned a page in my life.. I now like hugs. I canme to the realization that people hug to say hi, or to try and make you feel better, and by being all standoffish I was rejecting their help or love. And why would I want to do that? I need all the love and help I can get.

Now.. this does not mean that I will not some time react strongly when people come in for the blind side hug. Those will probably still freak me out. But more because I dont see them coming and it is like some one is attacking you... and well... that freaks me out.

So hug away.

New Goals

As I seem to be wrapping up some current goings on (The 3 Day, and Small Group).. I am looking towards what goals I should make for my self next on the social and networking endovors. I need to set goals for my self in the areana, because given the choice, I will sit on my couch and read a book and be perfectly happy. Well, maby not perfectly happy.. but some what happy.
Right now I am thinking maby tennis, which seems to be huge in Atlanta.. and I can play.. maby I will look for some lessons. I need to contact my friend Grayson about how one finds a team.
Maby for church... there is a class that is offered in the winter that is a very heavy duty study of the bible.. not really a bible study.. but a scholarly study of the Bible for the puprose of learning some in depths stuff.

But knowing me.. these are not set in stone.. just some ideas that I am playing with.

Sad

I usually claim that I am not a huge fan of breakfast..

but then why is one the saddest parts of my day when I finish my coffee and yogurt?